allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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