I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
