we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
