i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
