3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
