um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
