so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
