just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
