nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
