I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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