I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
