I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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