So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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