We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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