miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
