I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
