did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
