Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
