Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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