I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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