She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My dick has a subreddit
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
