Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
