Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
