Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
