If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
two words...techno handjob
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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