she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
