My hair reeks of homosexuality.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
