They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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