i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
