I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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