saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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