guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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