the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
