Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
