You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
