is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
