what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
