Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
