I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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