i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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