Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
In America we eat man semen.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hippo gnu deer
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
