I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
