just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
