i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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