Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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