You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Four minutes until I can fart!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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