Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
