apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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