you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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