I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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