I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
