I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
